My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
