I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
