I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
