we're chasing vodka with high fives
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
