If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They took my balls.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
