Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
