there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
