I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
