marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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