Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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