I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
