dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
