I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
