ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
