He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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