sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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