it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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