Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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