So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
