the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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