Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
