youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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