swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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