The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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