words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
