Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
