just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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