did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
