I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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