So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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