grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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