see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize