would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
