it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
