she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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