I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
