My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize