Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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