I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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