sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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