Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
