If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
