she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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