Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
