I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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