there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
