My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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