You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
