I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
