i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
