youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
