hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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