it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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