I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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