i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
