he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
