Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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