Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
