Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
