i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
