I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
