I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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