bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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