I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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