...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
