There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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