we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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