I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
