Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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