She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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