Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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