i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
