you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
