I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
