Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
